Carmen Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: October 7, 2001

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“1990 - What’s funny is that I don’t remember meeting my husband. It’s funny because my husband is strikingly gorgeous and many of the women I know remember meeting him. I just remember knowing him.

We met at a Christian college in Huntsville, AL where many people go expecting to find their mate. Not me! I didn’t want to live in the States. I just wanted to go to school, get my degree, and then go back home to work.

My future husband and I had an immediate connection; a chemistry that others looking at us could see. This connection was strictly platonic, however, because we both had significant others. Yeah, we were attracted to each other, but neither of us crossed the line because we both took our commitments seriously. Watching this man stay faithful to his girlfriend only made him more attractive and would be the foundation for my faith in his commitment to me.

We were inseparable. We spent many hours laughing, talking and even singing together (we stood next to each other in the school choir). I felt like I could be myself with him. I wasn’t afraid to show him my frailties because he made me feel safe. I remember thinking, 'I want to marry a man like this.' I had never met a man like this before. He was not just trying to 'act' like a Christian, but really trying to BE a Christian. He was a man who would open car doors and try and run ahead of you to open doors to buildings. Now mind you, this man was barely 20-years-old when we became friends, but he showed such godly maturity. God heard my mind speak, and it was during this time that God began to tell me that he was my husband.

Then he left. He left our college to go and start his music career. I missed him like crazy. My friend was gone and there was no one to fill his place, even though my 'boyfriend' arrived soon after.

My friend and I still stayed in contact with each other. I went to his graduation (1994) , he went to mine (1996) and at each occasion people would say, 'When are you and Duawne getting together?’ I would smile and try not to respond, while thinking in my head, 'When God says so.'

Then there was the time when I came to visit him in Nashville and we went out to eat. We were talking and out of the blue, he said, 'Carmen, when are we going to cut the crap?' Well, I nearly choked on my dessert. 'What do you mean?; I said trying to be calm, while my heart was racing. Somehow he got out of answering the question. We both changed the subject and acted like nothing had happened.

I don’t know where the time went, but it was 10 years between the time we met and the time we got married. I take that back I do know where it went. It went to stepping out of God’s will on both of our parts. Making mistakes and learning life’s lessons. During these years I read a lot (even some of the books that Shellie has listed). I wanted to improve myself and get ready for my husband.

1997 – After growing in God and trying to better myself and just be happy with me, I wrote a poem about my husband and me finally being together forever. I shared this poem with no one.

2000 - I decided that I was tired of messing up God’s plan for my life and since this was a new millennium, I decided to reconsecrate my life to the Lord. I went to the beach and sang 'I Surrender All' and cried. I was tired…tired of trying to do things my own way. By October, I didn’t see any major things happening with my love life. I decided I would go on a 10-day fast. This fast was to give me strength. Strength to tell the guy I was dating, 'Goodbye' because nothing was happening AND 'Goodbye' to Duawne. At the end of the fast, I was intending to tell Duawne, 'Even though we haven’t dated, we aren’t going to. Goodbye.' I had finally given up on the idea of us ever being together. God knew that I was serious and that I had FINALLY surrendered ALL.

God said, 'Not so!'

During my fast, Duawne called me. What?!? I had been in Bermuda for four years and we had spoken infrequently, but that night Duawne asked me all sorts of personal questions about life. How many kids I wanted...where I would live if I didn’t live in Bermuda...if I knew who my husband was...if I thought he was a godly man. What?!? Where was all of this coming from? At the time I didn’t realize I was being 'interviewed', but I woke up the next morning singing Fred Hammond’s 'Thank you, Lord' in my spirit.

Two days later, he called me back and asked me to spend his birthday and Christmas with him. That was the beginning of a rapid and wildly exciting time in my life. We spent seven months dating, three months engaged and our day of destiny is celebrated every year on October 7^th. We got married in 2001.”

What she loves about his mind: My husband is a creative genius. He’s a great writer. He writes and sings songs given by God to bless this world.

What she loves about his body: EVERYTHING!!!. OK...OK seriously. My husband is gorgeous. He is 6'4”, with dark chocolate skin...sexy and fine. I love his eyes; they are dark and deep. I love his hands; they are gentle yet firm. I really love his lips, too.

What she loves about his spirit: My husband is a God chaser. He is always seeking God’s will for his life and direction from the Holy Spirit.

Carmen's advice to single women about marriage:

“Prepare yourself to be a woman of God. He has to be your first mate. Wait on the Lord. It was completely out of character for me not to tell Duawne how I felt about him. I have messed up many relationships telling people how I felt. God knew that if I had told Duawne I knew he was my husband in 1997 he was run, very fast and very far. Tell God how you feel about your husband---your future mate. He’ll honor you if you are honoring Him, and if it is the right one. Some more advice is that you make sure he is your friend. There we will be times when you get right on each other’s last nerve. But when he’s your friend you always make up. And with benefits, now.”