Rachel Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: March 21, 1992

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“I met my husband at church. He was the single 'Singles and Youth' pastor. I’d just moved to my town taking on my first corporate job after graduating from Ohio State. It was the '80s and I was a career-minded girl. But I wanted to get married, too. I’d done the dating and partying thing in college and was eager to find a good church and pursue a relationship with Jesus.

Which I think is key. Singles have such an opportunity to be devoted to Jesus...to live as a modern-day monastic, being wholly devoted to the Lord in a way married people cannot. But, we need each other: the singles to remind the marrieds of wholehearted devotion, and the marrieds to draw the singles into family and community.

My job required a lot of travel. I’d be gone for weeks at a time, so my church attendance was sporadic. It was several months before I met my husband face-to-face. We soon found we had a lot in common---the least of all our birthdays being three days apart. I’m the older woman in our relationship. (smile)

Our first date was lunch after church. I liked him a lot but wasn’t wowed. I went home unsure of my feelings. I took a few minutes to pray and the Lord spoke to me. 'He’s the one.'

'Oh, wow, God, please, not me.' I do not want to be one of those kooky ladies who thinks she’s going to marry the single pastor. I set the notion aside and prayed over it. Only time would tell. Meanwhile, the Lord spoke to my husband. 'Be her friend.' All romantic feelings for me vanished.

So for three years, we were best friends. The Lord kept telling me and confirming in small ways that we’d be married. My husband stood on the rock that we’d only be friends. I can’t tell you how hard those years were. I’d fallen in love with him...wanted to be with him, and he didn’t want to be with me - romantically. We tried not being friends and it only lasted for a day or two. I lent him my car to take another woman on a date. YES, I DID. The Lord really comforted me that night. 'Don’t worry. He’s yours.'

Why would God do this?

One, it shook both of our foundations and preconceived ideas of relationships. I had to lean completely on Him and my close friends. My husband had to lean on the Lord to know if he should be friends with me, and how to love me without leading me on. The entire time we were honest with each other. It was hard to come from polar opposite views. I trusted his ability to hear God. He trusted mine. It was confusing. But we had a lot of fun and joy being together.

Two, we built a really solid relationship. When we finally got married, there were no surprises...no let downs...no pausing in ministry. We kept on running the race.

Let me be clear: I do not recommend the 'God told me the pastor was my husband' method, or that any man is your spouse without the topic of marriage being common between you. At the very least, be in a healthy, working relationship. Christians tend to over-spiritualize marriage. DON'T. Pray and listen. But don’t be afraid of letting God speak quietly through your own heart and desires.

After three years, I said, 'Lord, this is it. I want out of this.' I’d just turned 30, made a change in my career and so I was off the road and I wanted to find the right man.

God continued to speak and confirm that my husband was the one. I had so many people praying for me. One key to my relationship with my husband was we were truly in a relationship. I saw him daily. We spent weekends together. We ministered together. Add romance and we would’ve been a solid 'couple-couple'.

Here’s the Great God Conclusion: In a single day, He literally dropped into my husband all the feelings he needed to marry me. The feelings he had in the beginning. It was a 'light switch'change. We had to have a whole new set of rules for when we hung out together.

How did I know he was the one? God told me. But that was only the beginning. I knew he was the one because he was my best friend. Still is. My husband was the one I wanted to see at the end of the day...the phone call I looked forward to at work...the one I wanted to share my heart with. I felt safe and secure in his company. I trusted him. I saw God in him. He was a man of prayer and integrity. He pursued Jesus with all his heart and challenged me to do the same.

I loved his family. He loved mine. We had similar values and likes. Our upbringing was similar and our college experiences were the same.

I loved him. He loved me.”

What she loves about his mind: I love how smart he is---truly. The man is a walking dictionary. I love that he’s my best friend and he loves me.

What she loves about his body: I love his athletic background and his broad shoulders and chest.

What she loves about his spirit: He loves Jesus. He’s kind and gentle...loyal and steadfast.

Rachel's advice to single women about marriage:

“Look for a mate who laughs when you laugh. Look for one who watches your favorite sitcom instead of his movie.

If you feel God is speaking to you about your husband, get prayer and counsel from those you trust. Examine your own heart concerning this person. What kind of relationship do you have? Are you even in a relationship?

A single woman once told me a certain man was her husband. God told her he was. The catch? He’d married another woman two weeks earlier. 'Sister,' I said, '...that man is not your husband. You have not heard God.'

Another believed a man was her husband, but she didn’t even know him personally. Then there’s the married woman who believed God told her another man was her husband.

God will not tell you someone is your husband if you are already married, if he is married or if you don’t even know him. God is a God who loves relationships and He does so much within those confines.

Trust God to show you your husband by speaking to your heart in natural and common 'everyday' ways. Look at practical things and desires. Do you want to work in the foreign mission field but 'the one' feels called to inner city America? Maybe you two don’t have the same destinies.

Be spiritual, practical as well as romantic about the one you choose. Be friends as well as lovers. Be bold and courageous. Confront the hard issues. Work them through and then be honest with the outcome.”