Krystel Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: September 2, 2007

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“When I first met my husband, I was at the very end of a bad relationship. It was emotionally abusive and draining and after two years, I couldn’t take it anymore. I packed his stuff up, threw it onto his mama’s front porch and told him I didn’t want to see him again. I was done. I had a daughter to worry about, and so another disappointing (and possibly abusive) relationship was out of the question. This was my time to reflect and eliminate all of the noise in my life. I was NOT looking when I met my husband. But little did I know that my vow to never be in a bad relationship again would hold true!

I met my husband through an online artist community; kind of a precursor to MySpace Music. I was browsing the forums and saw a post from him that asked other artists to critique his music. So I critiqued, and asked him to return the favor. After that, we began to chat via email and IM over the next few months, and we both assumed it was platonic at this point. He was a single dad and a musician. I was a single mom and also a musician. But I would jump on the computer as soon as I got home to see if he was online. I knew that something was going on in my soul, but I didn’t yet understand it. Something felt different about this person, but still I resisted. It didn’t matter though; the seed was planted.

I didn’t tell anyone about my conversations with him, we just quietly and slowly got to know each other through these chats and emails. It’s amazing how a message can be read back over and over again, each time sinking in deeper and giving more insight into a person’s thoughts and values. He sent me a CD of his and I sent him one back. This was the only physical/ material connection that we had with each other at that point.

The physical attraction was there; he had seen pictures of me and I’d seen pictures of him and he commented on how he thought I was attractive, but we hadn’t yet met in person and we hadn’t yet spoke on the phone. He lived in Michigan and I lived in Tennessee. I knew he felt the same way. He hinted just enough to make me believe that his feelings were there as well.

One day, he emailed me about a music conference he was attending in Orlando. He suggested I go to it to network and...oh yeah, to meet him. I told him that sounded cool. I’d see what I could do. Inside though, I was determined to find a way by any means necessary to get to Orlando. I had to meet this man! I didn’t know what it would bring, and my friends and family thought I was crazy for even considering it: What if he’s some crazy stalker on the Internet? What if he doesn’t look anything like his pictures? I already knew him though. That seed had grown into something bigger and this trip would just confirm the feelings I had been trying to suppress.

On April 9, 2003, I arrived by plane in Orlando and took a cab to my hotel room. He said he would call me when he and his friends got to the hotel. Around 10p.m. that night, I got a call to my room. It was him! He asked if I wanted to get something to eat. Of course, I did. There was a knock on the door. I opened it and there he was. I gave him a big hug and a rush of emotion came over me.

Over the next three days, we talked into the early hours of the morning. By the time I left for the airport, we were figuring out a way for him to move to Nashville. That’s when I knew he was my husband. Four months later, he and his daughter moved to Nashville.

We were married on September 2, 2007 and honeymooned in Orlando, FL.”

What she loves about his mind: His grounded and sensible nature. He helps keep me from making rash decisions and teaches me how to take things a step at a time. And he’s not materialistic. It’s his most godly quality.

What she loves about his body: His deep blue eyes. They’re so striking, I can see them from across a room and they take my breath away.

What she loves about his spirit: His self-confidence. When he’s able to tear up over a touching news story or TV show and not be embarrassed, I know he has confidence in himself and our relationship.

Krystel's advice to single women about marriage:

“Ladies, listen to your God-given instincts. We too often ignore them for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or not acting as others would believe we should act. Don’t let fear hold you back from a joyful life, whether that’s with a new relationship or preventing a destructive one.”

Chelsea Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: September 7, 2001

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“I met my husband through his Aunt Rhonda. I began working with Rhonda in September of 1999, only two months after I took a pledge of celibacy and TOTALLY rededicated my life to Yahweh. After only three weeks of working together, she inquired of my 'status'. I told her that I was single and was not looking. She told me that she liked my spirit and thought I would be a good match for her nephew who resided in Massachusetts. We continued to talk and before the long, the conversation switched to a different topic, and that was the last that I had heard of her nephew.

In June of 2000, Rhonda informed me that she had had a telephone conversation with her nephew the night before and had mentioned me to him. She stated that she intended to give him my phone number, but had forgotten my phone number at work. She entreated me to call him. I totally refused at first...only to find his name, email address and phone number being shoved in my hand, and me being shoved into my office with a plea of a promise that I would call or email him that same day. After vacillating about if calling him would be appropriate and the right thing to do, I acquiesced to her wishes, and promised that I would send an email that day.

I prayed before typing and sending the email. My prayer was simple. 'Give me the right words to say, and if this is not YOUR will, don’t allow him to respond.' I received a response in less than one hour. The response was both funny and captivating.

Daniel began emailing me daily, and I continued to pray BEFORE RESPONDING to his emails. My prayer was simple: 'Give me the right words to say.' Daniel eventually requested that we meet online to begin our 'Instant Messaging' (IM) relationship. I was so impressed by the simple-yet-IMPORTANT factor that he would establish the meeting time, and always met me ON TIME. He was NEVER LATE. In fact, he was often WAITING FOR ME.

After two weeks of emailing and IM each other, Daniel asked if he could have my phone number so that he may call and hear my voice. (Yes, ladies…it took me two weeks to give up the digits.) You see, along with my vow of celibacy, I also vowed to move at a snail’s pace with whomever I became interested in. I’ll have to share my 'From Singlehood to Marriedhood' testimony at a different time.

The first telephone conversation was nerve-racking for me because it was then that I decided to reveal my vow of celibacy to Daniel. I decided to reveal this during our first telephone conversation because the phone call itself was personal in that we were hearing one another’s voice for the first time, which had a certain feeling of intimacy that IM and emailing did not have. Additionally, I decided to reveal my celibacy as a second part of my prayer, which was also simple: 'If he will not respect my vow of celibacy, then let this be our last conversation.'

After disclosing my vow of celibacy to Daniel, he simply stated, 'Well, I’ll have to think about that.'

The conversation continued and two hours later, we were saying goodbye. Although I was unsure if I would ever hear from Daniel again, I was sure that I had done the right thing of disclosing my celibacy to him. Daniel emailed and called the next day. We continued emailing, IM'ing and talking on the phone for another four weeks before he even saw a single photograph of me. By this time, Daniel, in his own words, stated, 'I don’t care if you look like Sha-Nay-Nay, because you have a brotha sprung already. After all, Sha-Nay-Nay needs love, too.' Isn’t that the most hilarious thing you have heard!? We laughed for days about that, and sometimes still laugh about it! Ladies, it did not matter to Daniel what I looked like because he was truly getting to know ME first, as opposed to the exterior of me first.

To make the long of a story short, Daniel decided to propose to me in August of 2000 (Yeah, you did the math right). He proposed only two months after receiving my initial email. We decided to elope because most importantly, that is what I have always wanted to do, and secondly to minimize negative feedback from relatives, friends and associates. Daniel’s single request was that we have a formal wedding that would be officiated by a pastor. Our wedding date was September 7, 2001---the weekend of Labor Day. Daniel flew from Massachusetts to California on September 6^th. Our INITIAL meeting in the airport was magical-yet-surreal. All we could do was smile, grin, hug and kiss one another. Others knew we were in love. Passersby would make nice comments about how good we looked together, how happy we looked and how much we beamed. We planned the perfect wedding. IT WAS A DAY THAT I SHALL NEVER FORGET AND NEVER WISH TO REPEAT WITH ANYONE ELSE.

I knew Daniel was my husband when he consistently displayed the following characteristics: Respect for my time, respect for my choices and respect for my relationship with Yahweh.”

What she loves about his mind: I love that he is able to say “I’m sorry.”

What she loves about his body: I love my husband’s hands because they are magical, and I love the way his eyes squint almost shut when he laughs really hard.

What she loves about his spirit: I love the way he holds me when I don’t want to be held (when I am angry).

Chelsea's advice to single women about marriage:

“Know and understand the definition of crazy. Essentially, the definition of crazy is doing the same thing, expecting different results. So, if you are tired of entering into dead-end relationships with men, only to end up feeling empty, used and lonely, link up with Elohim. Give Him ALL OF YOU. Commit yourself to His ways and take the leap of faith to make the necessary changes in your life, so that you may be perfectly aligned with Him. He will provide the man that you need. And always remember, as my 99-year-old grandmother would say, “What’s for you, you going to have and nobody else, ‘cause it’s for you, honey.”

Guinness World Records' Oldest Living Married Couple...

After 84 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher are still going strong...
http://www.newbernsj.com/news/herbert_42128___article.html/zelmyra_children.html

James Speaks On How He Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: November 27 and December 1, 1973

How he knew his wife was the one for him:

“Corlis and I met in 9th grade. She was 'the new girl' at the school who was from out of town and had moved to Baton Rouge, LA. We were in the same home room and she wanted nothing to do with me. My twin brother and I were class clowns and ran with the 'jocks'. My best friend, Anthony had crushes on Corlis and her friend, Terri. They were both skinny as pool cues. When my father found out that I liked 'that skinny girl', he said her legs looked like 'socks on a rooster.'

Corlis really had nothing to do with me for about a year. That may have been because I would go to the window of her classes and tell her I was going to marry her. I was stuck on her. I had an old girlfriend of mine arrange to have Corlis come to our neighborhood for a visit so I could meet up with them. We got to walk together and talk. Later that summer, one of our classmates had a pool party at her house and we met up there. While we were sitting around talking, Corlis came and sat on the carpet at my feet. I've never stopped loving her since that night.

We met in 1969 in 9th grade. I was 13 and she was 14-years-old. We started 'going together' in 10th grade in 1970. Corlis' father was sent to Vietnam (he was a career Army officer) and she left Baton Rouge and went to her hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. This was our 11th grade year. Corlis graduated early from high school and returned to Baton Rouge to attend Southern University while I completed my senior year of high school.

The summer following my high school graduation in 1973, I was determined not to let Corlis get away again so I rented her an apartment. She was 18 but I was only 17-years-old. We leased the apartment in her name and I worked a couple of jobs to take care of her. I turned 18- years-old during my freshman year of college. This was October, 1973.

We were married in November of 1973.

We've been married now for thirty-five years. There are tears in my eyes as I recall this for sharing with you. I love her so. She has always been able to bring into my life, my personality, my decision making, my undertaking what I was lacking. My love for her has made and continues to make me a better man. We were both mature for our ages, yet we both needed another to bring the strength and security needed to face life. We've been facing life...loving life...doing life together for just about all our lives.”

What he loves about her mind: I love that she's never let me push her around in life. She's been clear and honest about what who she is and what boundaries she's established. This makes me respect her - her tenderness and her firmness.

What he loves about her body: The softness of her heart toward me and others has softened my soul so that I've lost the need to protect myself from her.

What he loves about her spirit: I TRUST Corlis. Many women do not understand that so often men who love are just as afraid of being hurt as women are. For 35 years Corlis has not betrayed my trust. For that I am infinitely grateful. Some men consider themselves blessed for finding the woman they believe they can live with. I'm blessed because I've found the woman I can't live without.

James's advice to single men about marriage:

“The true joy in marriage is in giving to one whom you trusted to spend your life with. No matter what I give to her---even when it's in short supply (time, money, energy, etc.)---God always gives me more of it than I had before I gave to her.”

Ryan Speaks On How He Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: May 31, 1997

How he knew his wife was the one for him:

“I grew up in Southern California (surfer boy) and needless to say, by my 20^th birthday, I had not developed the best reputation in my town. Ironically, I was voted, 'Most Likely to Stay Single' and 'Best Kisser' (I guess I got too much practice) just two years earlier in my senior year of high school.

I never showed much respect for the fairer sex, and it was evident that this behavior was making it difficult to keep a girlfriend (the longest relationship I had to this point was five months). Anyway, I was given a great opportunity to move away and play football at UT Martin in West Tennessee on a scholarship. Not wanting to carry my bad reputation with me to a new place, I decided to make a pact with God. I broke down and repented for my behavior and pleaded with God to take me from my state of misery and loneliness. I promised to use the opportunity he gave me to make a start fresh and to make sure that the reputation I created was one above reproach.

As part of the football team, it did not take long before opportunities were presented to go down the old road of womanizing and sexual misconduct. True to my promise to God, I would not kiss or carry on with anyone I did not believe was marriage potential. After a few months in my new environment, God’s grace was delivered.

My future bride, Kristi, was revealed to me during football practice. Kristi, who was the captain of the pom squad, was dancing her heart out right in front of me and the rest of the team. She was breathtaking! A sweet Southern Belle with big, beautiful eyes and eyelashes...and a fantastic figure. I couldn’t wait to talk to her and see if this was just a physical attraction...or possibly my match.

I finally ran into her a few days later and much to my surprise, several of her roommates were the very same girls that I turned down at the football parties. It was very clear to me that if I had not resisted this temptation, Kristi would have heard about it and never would have considered dating me. My reputation was still spotless and the courting began.

We dated for three months before I knew that she was the one. I was convinced that our faith in God and our plans for our family were aligned. She was my best friend and I had no interest in spending time with anyone but her.

I proposed three months later on our six-month anniversary, and we were married one year later. It will be 12 years in May (31^st), and it has not always been easy. Many times I have felt helpless and even other times hopeless. However, one thing that I believe has gotten me this far and I am convinced will keep me in the game until the end is a commitment to never except failure. My words to my wife when we first discussed the possibility of getting married were 'Divorce is not an option'. I remember saying things like 'You might hate my guts and I might hate yours, but we better find a way to get along or it is going to be a miserable life'. I REFUSE to quit on what I promised her and God the day we got married: Till Death Do We Part.”

What he loves about her mind: I love my wife’s sense of humor. It is corny like mine.

What he loves about her body: I love my wife’s eyes. They are incredible.

What he loves about her spirit: I love my wife’s pure heart. She truly lives in purity and holiness and this is great encouragement to me.

Ryan's advice to single men about marriage:

“When failing is not an option, it is amazing how you begin to work at fixing things. I truly love my wife with all of my heart and now I know what love really is. I tell my children (somehow we wound up with four) that love is an action, not an emotion. We love by selflessly putting someone else’s needs ahead of our own. I have learned that by doing things for my wife---such as doing the dishes or bathing the children---I am showing her that I love her. Telling her I love her is important, but not nearly as important as showing her. This was something that took me many years to figure out, but once I got it, it changed our relationship. It also changed my relationship with others.”

Noelle Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: October 18, 2008

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“I knew I was going to marry Marcel before I met him. I read a blog about someone who never wanted to get married.

I, on the other hand, was quite anxious to get married. In fact, I did so when everyone recommended that I didn’t. Several years later, the marriage ended and after some more years of struggling with romantic relationships, I told God that I wasn’t going to date again until I understood in my soul that He was enough. I had spent a lifetime trying to convince myself of that fact, but continued to look for a romantic relationship...and ended up continuously frustrated. I decided to stop fighting and get quiet.

It would be hard to overstate how difficult this was. I felt a pain almost like a physical withdrawal. Long story short, I stuck with it and it took about a year and a half. During that time, I spoke with men from my family and co-workers and that was it. (I should add to this story that there was a lot of therapy, support groups, prayer, and accountability in this mix. I was not able to do this on my own.) At some point during that year, my mom asked about the possibility of me dating someone of our faith. My first husband had been a pastor in our faith and I think I told mom not to hold her breath or something equally rude. Out of some guilt, I agreed that when I was dating again, I would look at one of the singles' websites for people in our faith.

I’m still not sure when or exactly how it happened, but one morning I woke up and found myself at peace with the idea of being alone---even if that was for the rest of my life. I went out on a few dates and found myself thinking at times, 'I could be home cleaning my house.' Not because the guys weren’t nice, but I didn’t need it anymore.

I made another equally drastic decision. I decided I wasn’t going to date again until I found the man I would marry. My life was full and rich and I didn’t want to spend even a few hours on something that wasn’t a part of God’s plan for me. I had enough 'practice dating'. I decided that God would pick and until He notified me, I wasn’t interested.

A few months later, to fulfill my promise to my mother, I posted a profile on a website. I didn’t pay for a subscription and never checked the emails. But my conscience was clear. At one point I got an email with the name of my favorite band when I was a preteen. Of course, I had to check the email in case it was my adolescent crush who had come to sweep me off my feet.

It wasn’t Kevin, but it was Marcel.

He had listed his blog address and out of curiosity I checked it. (www.thecarioca.blogspot.com) I was quite impressed and after reading one of his posts (about a homeless man who had cut him off and his reaction to that), I was impressed by this man of passion who could also admit his mistakes. After reading a few more posts, I looked down at Izzy, my trusty canine sidekick and told her, 'This could be the guy.'

Marcel and I began to communicate by email a few times a week, and after a little time, we figured out that he lived five miles from my brother and aunt in Los Angeles. Marcel offered to pay for half the ticket the next time I visited my brother...and the rest as they say...is history.

We have been married now for a little over four months. I am consistently amazed by the difference in marriage from when I picked before and when I let God pick the man and the timing now. It was worth the wait and every moment of heartache. The joy is as much about knowing that God is my all as it is about this wonderful man I’ve pledged my life to. From this place I don’t operate from fear, wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I am free--- body and soul---to love this man God gave me.”

What she loves about his mind: I like how goal-oriented he is and how he challenges me to grow. We have similar ways of looking at the world and are a fantastic team. He also challenges me to keep my goals in front of me and not to get discouraged. He believes in himself---and in me.

What she loves about his body: I love his cute “white boy” butt. I love that he’s tall and even in heels and pushing 6’, I fit underneath his chin. I love his green eyes and hate him for his model-long eyelashes.

What she loves about his spirit: He has an integrity that stuns me. He listens to God above all else. He is a leader in our home and is also infinitely tender with me.

Noelle's advice to single women about marriage:

“Let God pick your husband…period. Anything else will cause you untold heartache. Allowing God’s timing will open you up for all the things you dreamed of and some you never dared hope for.”

Michelle Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: September 19, 1998

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“Ryan and I have been married over 10 years now. Our anniversary is September 19, 1998.

What first drew me to Ryan, was his charisma; he was always the center of attention and having a great time making people laugh. He didn't seem to care if I noticed him or not, but he gave me his attention when we talked (which was very attractive to me).

We started dating our junior year of high school, just a few weeks before his family moved out of state. We wrote letters and spent countless hours on the phone - he was, and is, a very good writer and he knew how to make me feel special even with the shortest letter.

I knew from the beginning that he was 'marriage material' because one, his family was solid and centered on Jesus. Two, even though he was young, he had a heart to fully work out his faith on his own and so I knew he would make decisions based on what he believed would be God's best for him....which, simply put, made me feel safe with him. And three, he was irresistible to me and I couldn't wait to see him again.

As our relationship grew more serious, I felt confident he was the one because he was driven to make it on his own and not rely on his family for support. He was, and is, my best friend. No one can make me laugh harder than Ryan. I knew that my future children would be safe with him, as well. He challenged my faith and helped it grow stronger and I saw that he could be the spiritual leader of my future family. We definitely didn't do everything right...we messed up and went too far sexually and yet, Ryan was quick to own up to his part in our sin and take full responsibility. Over the years, God has restored and blessed us. We are very grateful for that.”

What she loves about his mind: He is very smart but teachable. He reads more books than anyone I personally know - about one a week - because he is always learning and wanting to do things better. He never wants to grow complacent in his life, faith or ministry. That is VERY sexy.

What she loves about his body: The whole package: I love that he has dark hair and eyes and that he tans easily. His lips are super-soft and he is a great kisser :) He is tall...and just super sexy! It really isn't fair - I have the perfect man!

What she loves about his spirit: Ryan is BOLD for Jesus and that is THE biggest turn on. God has given him a huge heart for people who don't know Jesus and he is fiercely intent on making sure that, at our church, there are no hurdles (i.e., dress code, judgmental attitudes etc.) between them and Jesus.

Michelle's advice to single women about marriage:

“Take note of his family; you marry into it and it greatly affects your life. Ask yourself if he already possesses the qualities you want in a dad for your kids. And finally---and most importantly, make sure that Jesus is his Lord and Savior and that he has surrendered his own will to His.”

Ryan Speaks On How He Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: September 19, 1998

How he knew his wife was the one for him:

“Michelle and I started dating our junior year of high school. I have to be honest... it was really her looks that drew me in at first. After dating for a year, I became sold on her as 'wife potential'. We had always talked about marriage, but dating her for that time had shown me her depth of character, spiritual maturity, and tenderness; the things I knew I wanted in a wife and mother of my children. (We now have three.)

We had a short breakup around that time that also accelerated my decision to marry her. It was during that time that I knew how much she meant to me and how I wanted to spend my life with her. So... I 'fought' for her. Pursued and wooed, you know?

Actually, I am not a big believer in the 'right person'. Frankly, we're all 'wrong' for each other, aren't we? It's only our dependence on Jesus that makes things work. With the cross before me, we have a chance at wholeness.

After more than 10 years of marriage, I am happier than ever...and growing up with the love of my life has given me a joy beyond measure.”

What he loves about her mind: She's a great student---she's intelligent...she has a high emotional intelligence with a whole lot of empathy for the underdogs of the world.

What he loves about her body: I love her teeth - they're perfect! I love lots more but it's not appropriate for the global Internet parade .

What he loves about her spirit: Her laugh is her spirit! She is so full of joy and has a zest for life. She really loves our kids...and that means a lot to me.

Ryan's advice to single men about marriage:

“Conversation is key. She needs to know that we're good - every day! And, I have also learned that she'd rather have relational security than financial security. ”

Crystal Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: January 11, 2008

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“I never desired to marry. Never. Until one day in my early 30s...a day that ALL I wanted to do was sleep in...you know, a Saturday morning with a warm summer breeze coming through my window. And then, my phone rings at 7:30am-ish...and it's Momma. She was picking up the argument/conversation we had the night before: "WHEN are YOU getting married?"

I could never understand the obsession. I have three siblings; one sister and two brothers who have NEVER dealt with this kind of pressure. My dad started hinting and 'accidentally introduced' me to a bunch of basic...umm, hmmm...IDIOTS when I was in my early 20s.

At least he waited until I was 'legal' . My mom started with me at five. I kept thinking, 'Am I adopted?' ...'Do I eat too much here?'...'Am I a burden?' Anyway, the older I got, the more I enjoyed EVERYTHING about being single and being ON MY OWN. While growing up, I was in a strict household, but I dated here and there. Nothing really deep. Just passing the time.

Eventually, I got tired. Tired of 'being with a man' to prove anything to anybody. So, I decided, 'I am going with my heart': Just me...and Jesus; the best couple in the universe as far as I was concerned. More and more, all I wanted was to please Him and use ALL of my talents to spread the Word about His love.

I was having a ball. Little did I know that God was going to throw a wrench...hmmm, let's say a little twist, into the journey.

I joined a church that I am still a faithful member of when I was in my early 30s. During that time, I was in and out of work...working on a Master's degree...trying to buy a home...finding myself...and all of those things were over a period of 10 years. Your 30s seem like when all that stuff happens. Anyway, when I first joined my church, I had 'After Sunday Service Dinners'... A LOT. Everyone and anyone could come. I wanted to start building relationships with my new church family. During that first year or so, Derrick (my now husband) was visiting with tons of others as well.

Did I remember? Nope! Did I care? Nope! My focus was WAY over somewhere else.

So, back to my mom. During this time of free Sunday dinners for the saints and ain'ts, my mom called that Saturday morning to ask me something she never asked, nor have I ever thought of before:'Do you even have a DESIRE to marry?'

I was practically begging my mom to GET OFF THE PHONE AND LET ME SLEEP!

But it stuck with me. I didn't realize that I had never desired it. Well, with her being the 'First Lady' of my former church, she told me she was glad to know and now she was going to pray for me...RIGHT THEN AND THERE! I was infuriated. WHY would I want you to pray for something I don't want?!? As usual, she ignored me...as she continued praying.

A couple of days later, I was driving to work and listening to my usual Christian station and talking to my best friend, Jesus. (I know...corny isn't it?) All of a sudden, I felt an indescribable blanket of peace, warmth, comfort...I cannot give you the words for it. All I know is that it was multiple feelings that I have NEVER had before and could not figure out what it was. When the 'presence' lifted, I still felt the remains of what it did to my heart. I asked God, 'That was so amazing. What was that?' He clearly said, 'The desire to marry.'

I SCREAMED, 'NOOOOOOOOO!' and rebuked it as I made it clear to God that I absolutely do NOT want to marry. I just wanted to be with Him. 'Give marriage to all of my girlfriends who dream of it,' I said. 'Let me just work for you.'

So...several months after this, it was Christmas season. My sister and I ran into Derrick after church. He was always friendly and kind and he asked what our plans were for Christmas. When he discovered that our home town was his, he was beside himself with excitement. He asked if we could all hook-up while we were there and hang out. I am ALWAYS open to a nice brother who would hook a sistah up! So, I agreed.

The first day, he and I and my sister hung out. The next day, she REFUSED to go...she didn't care to go. I REFUSED to sit up in the house AGAIN with mom and dad while watching the SAME Christmas shows.

So, while we were hanging out, I was having a wonderful time just being with a potential good friend. During our final moments, as we were walking down the aisle of Walgreens, that SAME presence hit me again, clearly stating that Derrick was it. It FREAKED me out! So immediately, I started acting silly and ridiculous to turn him off. I was hoping that IF he heard the same voice that he would NOT respond...and IF he did NOT hear the voice, he would NEVER respond.

However, he wasn't the LEAST phased about my behavior. This FREAKED me out even MORE! I had to get away from him! He was TOO nice...TOO kind...TOO perfect...for me.

When he dropped me at my parents' home, he told me to hold on to his number and when I got back in town to call him so that we could hang out again because he enjoyed it. I was polite and agreed.

When I got home, I let his phone ring about three times and I hung up. I just couldn't do it. But the presence would NOT LEAVE! Finally, I spoke to the presence (the Holy Spirit)and plainly said, 'Look...obviously, it is in God's will for me to hook up with dude. If I HAVE to, I have just one request: Please give me about 14 or 16 more years to find myself...to do my thing...to live as a content single woman growing to be whole. I am having TOO much fun, and I have some issues that I don't want to share with anyone else. I just want to be with you, Almighty. I will do Your will regardless, but PLEASE give me some time for me.'

He clearly said 'I will honor your request.' I took a big sigh of relief and TOTALLY forgot about the conversation. I basically did not make contact with Derrick again even after he volunteered to help me move from the very same apartment where I had Sunday dinners that he would come to. Anyway, I put all that out of my mind.

And about a year or two later, Derrick got married...to someone else.

When I found out he was getting married, I felt this weirdness in my heart. I shook it off and put the date on my calendar to go to his wedding. I kid you not, I had anything and everything to happen that day and was still in my lounging clothes trying to hurry up when I looked at the clock and saw that it was 30 minutes past the time of his wedding.

I felt so bad...because he was such a nice brother and I WANTED to be there out of support. To this day, I am really trippin' that I did not make it.

(Okay, this is getting too long...let me cut some stuff!)

13 years later: I am coming out of church on my work day. I was now working at the church. Derrick was there early on. It was weird because he was alone. He even joined us singles the Sunday prior...weird. Where was his wife?!? Was this ANOTHER marriage gone bad at church? I was hoping not. Anyway, while leaving church/work, I walked up to my girlfriend/co-worker to finish our conversation when I saw her and Derrick chatting. He was talking about his recent surgery and why he had not been at church. I was waiting for him to finish so I could talk to her. She left quickly to see about her sons at home. He continued telling ME about his surgery. When he finished, I started fussing about how I could NOT get a single brother to help me out at the new home I had bought. He, as usual, offered cheerfully to help me do whatever needed. I joyfully agreed, THEN repented and THEN apologized for not asking his wife out of respect.

He said, 'What wife? She left me almost a year ago.'

Shocked and hurt for him, I apologized and said, 'Never mind' and that I would be praying that they get back together. He was NOT in agreement.

He came to my home to fix what I needed. I was ready for him to leave. I had work to do and he was in the way. Don't get me wrong, he was a perfect gentlemen 'brother'. I just wanted him to do what I asked and GO AWAY!

He invited me to lunch when he finished. I'm a sucker for free food, and so I agreed and made it clear that I had a busy day ahead and could only go for a short time. We went to Panera Bread and talked for HOURS! I spent a good bit of that time quoting scriptures and trying to convince him to work things out with his ex. No matter what I said, it didn't work. What's funny is that although we were having a great time talking like we did years ago (13 years ago), he was not showing any interest in me AND no desire to work things out with his ex.

As he drove me home, I made one last attempt to help 'mend their marriage', when he said something I will never forget in reference to the subject of his former relationship:'Crystal, there is something you gotta understand about me. Maybe when you hear this, you will understand why I am not going to try again to work things out with her. When I got saved years ago, I made it clear to God that I will NOT let any man, woman, boy or girl ...not even myself come between me and my relationship with the Lord.'

Instantly, it felt like my head was spinning...like he was talking in slow motion. I felt the 'presence' again...really heavy...to the point where I felt like I was going to be sick...the kind of sick I have NEVER sensed or felt before. I cannot describe it. All I know is that all of a sudden, he looked like the most beautiful man in the world...AND I wanted to throw up!

(Wow...this is getting even longer...I gotta cut this some more!)

A year later...we got married.

Anyway, I used to hear people say, 'You just know' when I would ask them how they knew their mate was the one they were supposed to be with. I believed them...and now, from personal experience, I KNOW.”

What she loves about his mind: He is solid and focused...except when I game is on (grrrr).

What she loves about his body: He has a small frame, but he's actually very strong (which is scary in a way because I used to date big and tall men).

What she loves about his spirit: He is peaceful and steady. He's very content and absolutely LOVES the Word! Derrick is also one of the sweetest men I know. He DEMANDS that I be the REAL me. Every other brother I dated, grew quite annoyed with the REAL me...they wanted to mold me into whatever they assumed I was. Derrick considers that mindset a fool. LOL. Wow...it is so cool being with dude!

Crystal's advice to single women about marriage:

“CHILL OUT! HAVE FUN! LIVE A CLEAN LIFE! Enjoy men as friends and silly companions. IF marriage is going to happen for you, be content...be focused...be centered on loving God and being purposeful whether Mr. Right shows up or not. MARRIAGE IS WORK, but it's a good work...when you are both ready. ”