Brian Speaks On How He Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: May 31, 2003

How he knew his wife was the one for him:

“My wife, Rachel and I met in the lobby of our church. I immediately noticed how pretty she was and how nice her figure was. We ended up introducing ourselves that day in the lobby and that was about it for awhile. I always noticed her when she was around and spoke casually with her but that was it; neither of us was at the point where we were trying to pursue a relationship with anyone...much less each other.

Eventually, we started going out with mutual friends, so we got to see each other outside of the casual meetings at church. This is when I got to see more of who she was and really started admiring the person she was. She was very sincere and consistent with her relationship with God, and it challenged me to come up in my relationship with Him. She had a passion for God, life and people, which I loved. Now, she wasn’t what I had always pictured my wife to be like so I never really looked at her in that way--- for myself that is---but me and my boys would always say, 'Man, she is going to make someone a great wife one day.'

I really admired the person Rachel was, and knowing her encouraged me to think that there were more women like her out there in the world. What I didn’t know was that that admiration would turn into a great friendship...and then a love like I never experienced before.

Ultimately, it was two simple words that God spoke to my spirit one day as I hugged her in that same lobby at church: 'SHE FITS'. Those were the two simple words that ministered peace and assurance to me that she was the one. God never told me , 'This is your wife', nor did I see her in a dream; but what He did show me when He spoke those two words was the good fruit of our relationship and how what she had in her was not only what I wanted but what I needed. I didn’t know everything, but I knew that I wanted to love...provide for...cover and present this woman in the best way possible. I am of the belief that yes, a woman was made as a helpmate for man, but that man has a responsibility to present woman as best he can, especially when it's his wife. Ephesians 5:24-30 says, 'Husbands, love your wives just as Christ has loved the Church and gave Himself up for her…to present her… without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.'

That scripture spoke to me that Christ first humbled (gave of) Himself for the Church; first by leaving the thrown to become man and then by being crucified so that we might be saved. Christ set the tone for the relationship with His humility, which is what I, as man or husband, am supposed to do...which in turns makes it all the more possible for my wife to be obedient to what God has called her to do as a wife. It's hard for most to see the power and strength in humility because of the way the world calls for us to act, but when one is surrendered to the right thing, which is God and His divine order, you have an endless resource at your disposal that most never tap into because of the misconception.

If we are to love our wives as Christ loved the Church, then we are to first humble ourselves to God and His will and then to the cause of presenting our wives as best we can. That kind of presenting for me involves being a proper covering, being a provider, and 'dwelling with my wife according to understanding' (1 Peter 3:7). Within each of these, there are specifics that are the same for each of us as husbands, and then there are some that 'break down' into items that are unique to each one's own family. For instance, how you might go about dwelling with your wife according to understanding. However, we as men must never forget that the initial work that Christ has done and is continuing to do (like interceding) for the Church is the same that we called to do in loving our wives.”

What he loves about her mind: She is detail-oriented, which balances me out.

What he loves about her body: She is athletic, but soft. I also love her eyes, skin tone...and her behind.

What he loves about her spirit: She is strong and surrendered. So much of who she is reflects Christ to me.

Brian's advice to single men about marriage:

“My advice to single men about marriage would be to not overlook the importance of your singleness and how it prepares you for being a husband. If you're to be a proper covering you must first know how to cover yourself, meaning keeping yourself virtuous. It’s not easy but it is possible; both my wife and I were virgins when we got married, by the grace of God. I know this seems harder for men because of the pressure from the world and 'the pass' that the Church, at times, gives us to go out and explore. It's definitely a trick of the enemy. Trust me, if you’re able to abstain from the most natural of urges for the sake of honoring God with your body, every bit of strength that is gained in that time is meant for you to use in life and your marriage...which you will definitely need.

The deception is that you're weak if you don’t venture out, but the truth is that God uses this time to build you up as a man so that you are strong enough to not only fight the outside forces that might come against you and your family, but also the natural forces of your own flesh that the enemy will use to gain access to your life and family.

Now, I didn’t do certain physical things before I got married, but my thought life and other deeds still needed to be forgiven and put under the blood. So, if you have already given of yourself or you are entertaining some things you shouldn’t---whether it be in mind or deed, God can and will restore you so that you can continue stand in this area. The opportunity is still there for you, so don’t give up. Most men miss out on the strength and perspective that is gained in keeping himself for his wife...don’t you be the one to miss out on it.”