Diana Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: August 19, 2006

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“My husband and I have A LOT of history. We started out as good friends and then it gradually developed in to something else. We met at work. This is always a tricky thing and we were both of the opinion of 'Don’t mess where you eat' kind of deal. However, I was so physically attracted to him that I didn’t listen to anything but my desire. I didn’t like him when we first met. He was polite, however, he pointed out to me that my shoes didn’t match my outfit. Little did I know this fashion advice would follow me all the way through our relationship and funny thing is---he is always right! I love his sense of style, but did not appreciate it until much later in our relationship. Now it gets me the coolest shoes and the most up to date outfits!! You’ve got to love a man for helping you look good! Anyway, he ended up charming me with his big smile (he has the most beautiful face and the cutest dimples you have ever seen) and I was hooked. Little did I know, but he was just coming out of a bad relationship with a girl he felt very strongly for and I was to be the rebound. Like I said, little did I know…so I went in wanting to move ahead and he was very hesitant to be anything more than good friends...with BENEFITS.

I do regret some of the things I 'allowed' him to do early on. Like for instance, he would hang out with me and then go out on a date with another girl. I very soon got fed up with this, so I confronted him. He stated he wasn’t ready for a 'steady' relationship so I told him, 'BYE, BYE' and moved on. I found out much later that this was the best thing a girl could ever do. If a man isn’t meeting your needs and you call him on it and then in turn he tells you he can’t meet your needs, you need to be Wonder Woman and say 'See ya!' -- and stick to it! It was hard not seeing him. I missed him more than anyone I had ever dated, but I knew I had to be strong.

We worked in the same building, so I made sure to wear my best and look my best every day. I acted not fazed and smiled at him like I was the happiest girl in town. I also made sure he found out I was seeing someone else and the new man was READY for commitment. The funny thing about this other guy was his name was JOE, too! Not only is that ironic, but they went to the same high school. They knew of each other but didn’t really know one another. It took me two weeks to find out that he was devastated. He started writing me poems and sending me cards. He would write the most heart felt words to me about how he 'missed my touch' or how he 'ached to kiss me again'. This stuff was powerful. Which gets me to why I fell for him--he is the most passionate man I have EVER known. He is very romantic and sensitive, but not too much. These things, along with his strength and rough exterior, has me putty in his hands. He rocked my world yesterday, today and tomorrow!

Although he had such charm, I still stuck to my guns with him. One big reason was my Leo pride, the other was the 'New Joe' was a super person and I was having a blast with him. This sent my husband in a determined state. He finally (I made him work hard) broke me and we started a very passionate and committed relationship. We had our ups and downs. It was not all rosy. We broke up twice but ended up back together. What really made me realize he was MY HUSBAND was when my mother got real sick. My Momma always told me that, 'A man you could lose ain’t worth havin’', so I was about to put it to the test. I had to bring her to live with me and it was very hard to work, finish my degree and take care of my mother, but Joe told me early on that he was in it for the long haul and he would do whatever I needed to get me through it. He knew I loved my Momma and I would do whatever it took to keep her comfortable. He took her to the doctor for me, took off work to sit with her when she couldn’t stay by herself, and basically gave up all free time to assist me in tending to her every need. I was pretty much going through the motions and not really noticing ALL of what he was doing until one night, my mother was very upset.

She had started crying and begging me to take her home. She just wanted to be in her own bed, in her own house. I about lost my mind with guilt. My siblings had refused to help take care of her. They lived less than a mile from her home in West Tennessee and two of them did not work. If she went home, they would put her in a nursing home and I couldn’t allow it. Joe knew I couldn’t take her home, so he grabbed her by the hand, kissed her, told her how much he loved her and asked her if she would go with him to look at Christmas lights (it was the first of December). She also loved Joe for his charm, so she gave in and he drove her around for two hours talking to her about when she was younger and just things that made her feel better. I was sitting in the back seat and it came over me like a rush. I looked at him through different eyes. Not the lustful, passionate look from before, but the look that goes right to the soul. I said to myself, 'This is my husband'.

My Mother died the following March. Joe never left my side. He held me up when I thought I would die too. He stuck by me for eight months of hard relationship times and he did it with the love that I have yet seen in another person. He cried just as hard as I did when my Momma died. ”

What she loves about his mind: He is very forward thinking. He keeps me on track and his advice to me is always right. He is very intelligent and I can have conversations with him about anything from fashion, to politics, to history….you name it. He can have a temper and can also be very OCD!! He is not perfect by any means, but he is perfect for me.

What she loves about his body: His legs. He has the nicest legs you have ever seen! Very muscular and sexy!

What she loves about his spirit: His family life was not all that great. He grew up the middle child and his father was verbally and physically abusive. His mother was weak and never defended him, nor showed him affection. His maternal grandmother came to live with them when he was young and she nurtured him. I say she “saved” him, because he could have gone out the back door instead of the front. She took him to church with her and gave him the affection he needed to rise above the circumstances. She died when he was in college and he misses her still today. This is another reason why I love him so much. He came from something that I cannot relate to, yet he overcame it. He is a daily lesson to me.

Diana's advice to single women about marriage:

"Yes, it is nice to have passion and all that romance, but it is the man that will stand with you in the mire and hold your hand that you need to marry. Some things pass, but this kind of true commitment never fails. I know with my whole heart that my husband can stand the test of time and we are united on earth until the day one of us dies.

Another important plus about my man is that he is godly. He prays with me and for me and we are both firm believers in the commitment of marriage. We started going to church together and the more we got in THE WORD, the better we wanted to be. We made an agreement that we would not have sex until we were married and for 11 months we kept that promise to each other. We were married five months after my Mother died and it has been good and bad, trying and beautiful every day since. I cannot describe the bond we have. It is deeper and more profound than I can put in to words. I can trust him without a doubt and know he is faithful. The closer he and I get to God, the stronger our marriage is... and this is something we work on daily.

Also, you have to truly go through things with each other before you can connect. My mother always told me that whatever spills out when you get tested or shook up is who you are. This is so true. You can’t truly know a person by sleeping with them. You have to go through life altering things together. How many couples have I seen that do fine as long as there are no roadblocks or bumps?? This is not real life. Things will not always be honey, baby smoochy-smoochy. You will get sick, he will get sick. You will have to tend to your family AND his! This is a big eye-opener to a lot of couples. They are fine as long as it is just them and their husband. When they have to bring in other people or situations, it’s a deal breaker.

My final words are you cannot be a selfish person and have a happy marriage. You can’t be a selfish person and be a good person, so why not change now and find you a man that is not selfish and make non-selfish babies?!? ”