Latonja Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: December 1, 2007

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“Dedric 'Debo' and I met an entire year before we started dating. It was 'strange' because at that time, he and I both were going through divorces. (And the Lord knows that after ALL I’d gone through in my first marriage, I certainly wasn’t looking for love or marriage again... anytime soon...at least that’s what I thought!

I was 'hanging out' with a couple of friends and met him at his motor sports club and from the moment we looked at one another I KNEW it was something 'special' about him, but the timing just wasn’t right.

He was VERY persistent and made sure that he saw about me that entire night that we first met; he even walked me to my car. He wrapped his coat around me and we stood under a beaming light and talked as if we were teenagers for a very long time. It was THEN that I KNEW we had a 'connection' (but keeping in mind the timing wasn’t right, and it never went any further than that. No phone calls...no dates...no nothing, but I often thought about him.) He was such a gentleman and he’d left an impression on me that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Exactly a year later, he and I crossed paths again and from that moment, we didn’t 'risk' not seeing each other or talking to each other every day because we wanted to be sure that we didn’t 'loose' each other again…. it felt BLESSED and I KNEW that it was GOD because I’d grown to a point where I allowed myself to 'Be Still, and just trust GOD.'

After about three months of dating, Dedric proposed to me (without a ring), I was flattered, but I still had doubts within myself and in relationships and I told him 'no'. Being as persistent as he was the very first time I met him, he continued to ask me to marry him every chance he got because he said that he knew that God had sent me to him, but we DID have some ISSUES that had to be dealt with before we could join our souls to become ONE in GOD.

I dare not tell you about the major struggles and issues, which I feel in most relationships, you will, because two souls are trying to find common ground and that sometimes takes work and you have to be willing to work through things if you KNOW in your heart that it’s what God had designed and PURPOSED for you!

Dedric had a lot of hurt and pain that as a man he had never been willing to open up and share with others. One major pain was the loss of his two daughters in a tragic car accident on their way home from a Christmas vacation. Then there were things that he’d missed as a young man with his father not being a role model in his life. There were times that he was just plain old mean spirited to me , BUT I knew there was MINISTRY and PURPOSE for me in his life. I’d been through A LOT of things also in my life that caused me to hurt and become emotionally distraught, but I had learned FORGIVENESS (something my husband had a hard time with) and that is what helped me minister our relationship to where it is today... God never promised us life without pain or sunshine without rain!

He and I both were willing to COMPROMISE (and that is so important in a relationship/marriage.) We were willing to TRUST one another despite what we’d been through in our past, because it was simply that, OUR PAST. Isaiah 1:19 (KJV) says, 'If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land'. We’d made up in our minds to 'love like we’d never been hurt' and it’s been wonderful ever since!

Dedric and I are BEST FRIENDS...we gossip like two women! Our souls are incomplete when we are away from one another, and all of our family and friends say to us that they can see the love that we share. That’s really special. He and I both are committed leaders in our church and we don’t make ANY decisions in our life together without consulting God and talking to one another.

This past year alone we have been challenged financially, but we both said to one another that it was our LOVE and COMMITMENT to one another that helped us through those tough times and challenges; if we could make it through this, we could make it through anything!

We’ve discovered we were living off of love and love alone...that’s deep because I’ve known several marriages that did not make it because of financial issues.

Our Philosophy is 'There is no “I” in “We” and together we can do more as a TEAM'…

We can see ourselves growing old with one another and that in itself takes us a long way.”

What she loves about his mind: He’s open-minded and not afraid to venture out and try thing. He’s willing to learn. He also speaks what’s on his mind. He’s rarely ever stressed, because he believes in being real.

What she loves about his body: I LOVE my husband's eyes because when he looks at me, I can see how much he loves me. His eyes tell me his mood...they let me know whether he’s had a good day or a bad day...if he’s happy or sad...if he’s emotional or just wants to play. His eyes talk to me.

What she loves about his spirit: He is not afraid to praise the Lord. He’s not afraid to express his love for God and for me. And even though he has a demeanor that could scare a 'coward', he really has a compassionate heart...tough on the outside, but warm on the inside.

Latonja's advice to single women about marriage:

"You have to be real and true to self; that means LOVING YOURSELF like you would want someone to love you! That is one of the most important things as a single person that I had to do. We often look for or expect things in other people that we aren’t even good at being or doing ourselves.

We have to learn that WE CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE. We have to allow people the freedom of being who they are and we must PRAY without ceasing. We have to learn to BE STILL and TRUST GOD; he will never mislead us or forsake us. We must TRUST our inner self (i.e., the Holy Spirit...that still, small voice that speaks from within). We have to be willing to let God’s Yes be Yes and his No be No!

Ladies, don’t go looking for a man… he will find you…. God will send him to you. Proverbs 18; 22 (NASB) says, 'He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.'

Ladies, we have to KNOW OUR ROLES and KNOW OUR PLACE in a marriage. The Word is the Word. It hasn’t changed no matter how 'I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T' we get. Don’t get caught up in the world's way, but the Word's way. Clean up your issues and baggage before trying to pursue something with someone. I’ve often times carried dead weight from other relationships (be it family, friends or males that I’ve dated in the past) into a new relationship and I’ve watched it fail because I was trying to force something to be what it wasn’t.

FORGIVENESS is another key essential, because if you are going into something new and you haven’t forgiven something from your past, you will continue to have a sense of distrust in your relationship.

Be BEST FRIENDS with your significant other. There should be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that the two of you can not share with one another. Keep other people out of your business. Learn to work things out together.

Keep the speaks going...remember the same way you got him? Remember what turns him on and gets him going. KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE! Remind him of how he makes you feel because it’s often that we women want our egos stroked, but we don’t return the favor. It’s okay to compliment your man...they have emotions, too believe it or not! I remember my Granny saying, 'What one person won’t, another person will.' Don’t ever give that other person the chance.

KEEP GOD PRIORITY in your relationship because when you depend on the Word of God, it will get you through things that you can’t handle alone and in your flesh.

And finally, one of my favorite quotes: 'Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option.' Single women, DO NOT SETTLE.”