Toya Speaks On How She Knew

Wedding Anniversary Date: December 17, 1999

How she knew her husband was the one for her:

“I knew that Melvin was my husband when I put a boundary down in our relationship and stopped allowing him to 'know' me in a way that husbands 'know' their wives. After five years of giving away petals from my flower, I stopped and realized that I was the rose that God said I was. And only one who was worthy of my petals---that was my future husband.

By this time I was six months pregnant and 100% dependent upon Melvin. I knew deep within that God was my source and anything that wasn’t 100% dependency upon God was idolatry. I understood what God did to idols and I can honestly say that I feared losing my boyfriend. So I loved him enough to let him go. This was the beginning of wisdom. My fear of God surpassed my fear of man. I knew that God was not mocked and I didn’t want to reap the rewards of corruption, so I chose to honor God with my body.

So, I fell in love with the lover of my soul. As a result, Melvin respected the boundary I set and started pursuing the one who was pursuing him. Purity is a powerful thing! He continued to support me financially. He soon realized that a husband not only provides but also protects through covering his family spiritually. Sex in exchange for financial security is prostitution. Looking back, I truly believe he loved me enough to deny himself (by abstaining) so that I could live (spiritually and emotionally).

I knew that Melvin was 'the one' because he gave himself for me. He died to his ego, pride, lusts, former mindset…he loved me enough to find out what love truly means: falling in love with the Lover of your soul. He admitted to me that he couldn’t really love us (me and our son) until he understood God’s love. He stated hard truths like, 'I don’t want to marry you because you’re my baby’s mama. I want to marry you because you are the one God reveals is to be my 'good thing'.' So there was a waiting period of about 12 months that he spent pondering and I spent preparing.

All the while I grew spiritually, discovering who I was and whose I was. I use to wonder why the scripture says, 'A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.' I used to think, 'Why does he have to find her? Is she lost?' God very quickly revealed to me 'He has to find her because a wife should be hidden in me.' So all the while he was seeking God to find out whether or not I was his wife, God was preparing me to be a wife through celibacy, spiritual growth and letting patience have it’s perfect work.”

What she loves about his mind: My husband has a beautiful mind. To give you a glimpse, when we met back in high school he already had blueprints drafted to the earth shelter home he planned to build. Pretty intense for a 17-year-old young man.

What she loves about his body: My husband's hands are the favorite thing I love about his body. I've always said, 'There is healing in his hands.' He's my massage therapist and chiropractor. The same hands that he uses to construct top secret equipment for the U.S. Government, are the exact hands that carry our children to bed at night. Those very hands write riveting rhymes, fix our vehicles, wash and fold clothes, prepare meals and hold my hands. I love my Melvin's hands because they are strong enough to protect, yet gentle enough to console. His hands have never caused me harm and always seem to ease my pain.

What she loves about his spirit: My husband's soul is devoted to the Lord, and that's what I love most about him. In attempts to describe him, I've often mentioned that he has an old soul. He is a man of noble character that walks in integrity. He fears the Lord and that's what makes him such a wise soul.

Toya's advice to single women about marriage:

"Fall in love with Jesus. God is a jealous lover and He will have no other gods before Him. Scripture after scripture confirms that you are to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, mind and soul. Trust the Lord with all your heart. The word 'ALL' makes it clear that there is no room for anyone else. Stop looking for something in man that can only be found in God. My husband is now my lord just as Abraham was Sarah's lord. Because we both know who the Absolute Master is and gave our hearts to Him---Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I’m thankful to have a husband who is worthy of the honor, respect and adoration that I have towards him. But outside of falling in love with Jesus and finding out love's true meaning, my husband would be nothing more than a false god.

Although we met in 1993 we didn’t marry until 1999. We now have three beautiful children. We are certified marriage specialists through the National Association of Marriage Enhancement. We have an incredible abstinence ministry known as 'Purity is Power' (www.purityispower.com). We host covenant parties to help others celebrate covenant, and we recently began our own photography business known as 'Tree of Life Photography', in which we get the privilege of photographing couples and helping them tell their stories (www.poplartreeoflife.com). But above all of our ministerial commitments, we have a marriage that reflects how Christ loved His Bride.”